The World's Greatest Flower Thief

Xie Wuji said, “I've also improved the previous Fragrant Fart Pills. Take a look...”

As he spoke, Xie Wuji took out a large pile of pills in various colors and called Fat Dragon over. Fat Dragon stood straight as a rod while Xie Wuji continued, “Although our original Qi Flow Pills failed the first time, we've developed a new kind of pill. Now, the scent of the farts comes in many flavors, like rose...”

With that, Xie Wuji tossed Fat Dragon a pill. After swallowing it, Fat Dragon promptly let out a loud fart, and the air instantly filled with the sweet scent of roses. Everyone nearby scrambled to get a whiff.

“This smells great!”

“Not bad, really not bad!”

Xie Wuji smiled slightly. “We’ve also got jasmine, apple, orange, watermelon, blueberry, mint, and more. You can pick what you like. These Fragrant Fart Pills are our latest release: three pills for one spirit stone!”

Since the cost to make the Qi Flow Pill was so low, selling them like this was already making a killing.

Fat Dragon was the first to volunteer as a test subject, and soon the second floor was filled with a medley of delightful aromas.

After advertising his new product, Xie Wuji revealed the Fragrant Fart Pills were just a pastime for him. The method was quite simple: simmer the original Qi Flow Pills until the fire's energy was gone, then blend in powdered jasmine or other substances to produce the desired effect.

Ding Desheng fumed, “Xie Wuji, I had Shi Zhentian buy these pills from you earlier, and you gave me the real ones instead?”

“You’re an elder, so of course I gave you the genuine article. I don’t think I did anything wrong, did I? Besides, Senior Brother Shi Zhentian never specified whether he wanted the fragrant one or the regular Qi Flow version. He only said ‘Qi Flow’—he never spelled it out!” Xie Wuji immediately shifted the blame onto Shi Zhentian.

What a sight: the filth on Shi Zhentian had dried and formed shells, which flaked off and fell to the ground. He felt much better and, choking back tears, protested, “You—you’re full of nonsense! You did this on purpose!”

“Enough! Haven’t you embarrassed yourself enough already?” Ding Desheng shot Shi Zhentian a withering look.

Shi Zhentian shuddered, his spirit wilting. He smacked his lips and stammered, “I...I...”

“Out!” Ding Desheng was bitterly disappointed in his disciple. The single word made his entire body tremble. Suddenly, he lost control of the rear valve, and, like a bullet, something shot out.

Bang!

A tremendous noise followed, sending the two disciples standing behind the Grand Elder flying.

“Ah—”

The pair vanished into the sky like twinkling stars, leaving a gaping hole in the wall.

Dongmen Yong stepped forward. “Elder Ding, don’t move. Let me help you expel the medicine’s effects, or you’ll end up blasting even more people away over the next three days.”

Ding Desheng’s face had turned green. He was so angry he could barely speak.

As Dongmen Yong channeled his power, a third eye appeared on his forehead, stunning everyone present into silence.

“This is the ability of the Three-Eyed Spirit Ape: it can see into a person’s meridians,” Dongmen Xianyun explained.

Xie Wuji was dumbfounded, at a loss for words to describe Dongmen Yong’s abilities.

At that moment, Dongmen Yong unleashed his spiritual energy, which locked down all of Elder Ding’s vital points. The medicinal power condensed at his core, then surged forth and transformed into droplets of brown liquid that dripped to the floor.

Ding Desheng’s complexion improved greatly. “Old Dongmen, your disciple’s handiwork has cost me every shred of dignity! Don’t think that helping me purge the poison makes up for it!”

“Elder Ding, I believe both sides share responsibility here. My disciple didn’t clarify whether it was the Fragrant Fart or the Qi Flow Pill, and your disciple didn’t confirm what he was buying. That’s how this mess started. Perhaps we should let bygones be bygones,” Dongmen Yong offered a fair assessment, giving Ding Desheng a way to save face.

Ding Desheng touched his rear and found it sticky, making him even more embarrassed. Unwilling to linger, he gritted his teeth and said, “Xie Wuji, you have twenty days left to refine three thousand pills, and you haven’t made a single spirit pill yet! When time is up, don’t blame me for being merciless if you fail!”

With that, Ding Desheng stormed out.

As soon as he left, laughter erupted around Xie Wuji’s group, thundering through the hall.

Fat Dragon, in particular, laughed until tears streamed down his face.

Dongmen Yong gave them a stern glance. “Nonsense!”

“Father, you saw it yourself—Big Brother Xie’s invented a new kind of pill! Isn’t that a great achievement?” Dongmen Xianyun began to act coy.

It’s said that a father fears nothing more than his daughter’s coyness. Seeing her act this way, Dongmen Yong’s temper cooled considerably. He snorted, “It was lucky I arrived in time; otherwise, Ding Desheng would have had ample reason to punish you all. Go back and stop fooling around. The three-thousand-pill task was assigned by the Elders’ Council. If you don’t finish, the Seven Elders will not let you off lightly.”

“Thank you, Master, for stepping in!” Xie Wuji cupped his hands in gratitude.

Dongmen Yong was famous for defending his own, and right now he felt secretly pleased. After this incident, the Grand Elder’s reputation would probably suffer far and wide—a dignified elder bested by his own disciple, the tale alone would make people howl with laughter.

Back at the Pill Refining Hall, Xie Wuji called out, “Fat Dragon, Thin Tiger, now that our Fragrant Fart Pills are popular, take these and sell them. Use the money to buy spirit herbs—red fruit, snow lotus root, nine-bitter seeds...”

Fat Dragon asked, “Hey, big brother, can we also buy some wine? We’ve been eating gruel and thin soup in the pill room for days—our mouths are so bland we could spit feathers.”

“Alright, since we barely had lunch, pick up some cooked dishes and vegetables too. Tonight, we’ll have a hotpot feast!” Xie Wuji replied.

At the mention of hotpot, everyone cheered. Having a group of friends gathered around a bubbling pot, bantering as they ate, was a simple joy. A few men drinking together made the experience even better.

“By the way, is there any urgency about the spirit pill? It’s already been ten days...” Fat Dragon asked.

Xie Wuji put his hands on his hips and burst out laughing, but his laughter stopped abruptly. “No progress at all.”

“Then why laugh so loud, big brother? Scared me—I thought you’d already...”

“Hey, if I can’t find some fun for myself, how can I keep going?” Xie Wuji sighed and waved his hand. “Alright, go handle your errands; I’ll be here.”

Fat Dragon thought for a moment and said, “Big Brother Xie, did you hear another top-tier trial has been completed?”

“Who?” Xie Wuji asked in surprise. There were only three top-tier trials this quarter, and each one offered lavish rewards.

Fat Dragon grinned. “Senior Brother Baili Qingyan. He caught the world’s greatest flower thief, Ximen Qiuhuan. That guy’s a genius too.”

“A flower thief—how’s he a genius?” Xie Wuji said as he fiddled with the pill furnace.

Fat Dragon explained, “You don’t know, but Ximen Qiuhuan is a prodigy in alchemy. He invented all sorts of pills, including one called ‘Spring Breeze Eighteen Degrees,’ which is considered the number one aphrodisiac. Anyone dosed with it wishes they were dead, and they’ll end up begging the one who drugged them...”

“They’ll beg him? For what?” Xie Wuji was puzzled.

“Heh heh heh...” Fat Dragon didn’t answer, but his lecherous laugh said it all. After a pause, he continued, “If you’re not sure about alchemy, Big Brother Xie, you could ask him for advice. I dare say his skills surpass even Elder Ding Desheng’s. Now he’s locked up in the Danxia Sect’s dungeon. You’re an inner disciple, so it’s easy for you to visit him—just ask the guards and you’ll get in.”

“Alright, I’ll go meet him,” Xie Wuji said, stroking his chin.

The task of refining three thousand pills weighed heavily on Xie Wuji’s mind. With this rare opportunity for a breakthrough, he had no intention of letting it slip away.