Chapter 114: Walking the Bird on Main Street

Some say you cannot get drunk when you are happy, while others say the same of when you are sad. Lin Jia and his friends did not know if there was any truth to these claims, but by the end of their session, they had polished off two full cases—twelve bottles each—of beer. Even Old Si, a man who usually succumbed after a single glass, had managed to hang on until the very end, though he had lost all sense of dignity by then.

Halfway through, Lin Jia had felt himself getting tipsy, his stomach churning with waves of nausea. Yet, once that initial surge passed, he felt strangely sober. The beer tasted like plain water, and he could drink endlessly without effect. Aside from a slightly unsteady gait, his mind was alarmingly sharp.

After settling the bill, they hailed a taxi. With great effort, they hauled the dead-weight Old Si inside, then gathered Old Da and Meimei—who could barely stand without support—to head home.

Lin Jia first directed the driver to Old Si’s place. However, he found it impossible to drag the comatose Old Si out of the cab. Though his own mind was clear, his legs were jelly and his limbs lacked strength. Old Si was slumped like a sack of cement. Lin Jia pulled at his arm, straining like he was yanking a stubborn radish, until the taxi driver, unable to watch any longer, got out to help carry Old Si to his doorstep. Drenched in sweat, Lin Jia was thankful Old Si lived on the ground floor; had he lived on the fifth floor like him, Lin Jia would have seriously considered dumping him in the stairwell.

There was no answer when they knocked. It was two or three in the morning, and Lin Jia figured Old Si’s parents had gone back to their old house in Qiaomiaoling Village. That was just as well; it saved him a lecture. He fished the keys from Old Si’s pocket, opened the door, and dumped him onto the bed. Lin Jia left without a second thought. The guy was an embarrassment to men everywhere; the girls hadn’t even passed out, yet he was out like a light. He’d make sure to tease him next time—losing a drinking contest to a girl like Meimei was truly pathetic.

As the forty-something bald taxi driver drove off, he chuckled, "You young men are something else! You drank quite a bit, didn't you?"

Lin Jia smiled sheepishly. "Not that much, just two cases... Sorry about the trouble, sir!"

The driver gasped in surprise. "Two cases? That’s terrifying! How are you not drowned? You could go swimming in a bathtub filled with that much beer! It’s great being young—your kidneys must be in peak condition to handle that much! All that liquid... wouldn't you be running to the bathroom until your legs fell off?" The driver gave a knowing, lecherous grin, glancing first at Lin Jia’s midsection and then at the two girls sleeping against each other in the back.

The mere mention of the bathroom made Lin Jia feel as if his bladder were about to burst. "Wait a second, sir! Nature is calling! I need to relieve myself before we go!" He scanned the area for a discreet spot, but the urgency was overwhelming. Abandoning all decorum, Lin Jia marched up to a public telephone booth by the side of the road, faced the street, and unzipped. With the road deserted at three in the morning, he had no shame left to lose.

Just as he was about to start, he heard a zipper sound beside him. He turned to see the driver standing next to him, unzipping his trousers, pulling out his equipment, and letting out a steady, low grunt as a 90-degree stream began to flow.

Lin Jia nearly laughed out loud, noting how the man leaned forward to avoid getting any on his shoes. He caught a glimpse of the man’s equipment, then smugly pulled out his own. Standing tall with his hands on his hips, he whistled as a thick, powerful jet arched two or three meters, creating a splash on the pavement. The driver stared, dumbfounded. When he realized Lin Jia was watching him with a mocking gaze while still in full flow, he scrambled to finish, shaking off the stray drops before self-consciously tucking himself away.

Lin Jia’s relief lasted forever—or at least it felt like three to five minutes. He felt refreshed and light, his buzz fading by at least thirty percent. As he zipped up, the driver leaned against the car, smoking and laughing at himself. "You’ve got stamina, kid! That took longer than I usually spend on my wife! Sigh, I’m getting old. Used to be able to whip up a storm against the wind, now I just end up wetting my own pants even with the breeze. Heh, let’s go!"

Lin Jia burst into laughter at the driver’s crude wit. Suddenly, Meimei rolled down the window, groggily asking, "Madman... why are we stopped?" Lin Jia broke into a cold sweat. They had been relieving themselves less than three meters from the car, and he had completely forgotten the girls were inside. He hoped they hadn't seen anything; it would be mortifying.

Lin Jia climbed into the car and mumbled, "Just dropped Old Si off. Heading back to the apartment now..." Meimei gave a hazy "oh" and drifted back to sleep against the seat. Lin Jia wiped his forehead and exchanged an awkward, sheepish look with the driver.

The driver circled back and dropped them off at their complex. Lin Jia woke Old Da, who was drooling in her sleep, and after confirming three times that she knew which key opened her door, he watched her stumble toward her building, terrified she might collapse in a corner of the stairwell.

Not wanting to keep the driver waiting, Lin Jia had him take him and Meimei to the KEP Internet Cafe. He paid the ten-yuan fare and added a five-yuan tip for the driver's help. The man thanked him profusely and even offered a cigarette. After lighting up, Lin Jia waved goodbye and, half-carrying the limp Meimei, entered the cafe.

Old Zhao was fast asleep at the counter. The players in the public area were quiet, with only the occasional clatter of keyboards breaking the silence. Lin Jia looked around, decided against waking Old Zhao, and carried Meimei to a private room upstairs, intending to let her rest.