Chapter 154: Spiky Cucumber and Chrysanthemum

Upon entering the luxury private room on the third floor of Haojue Internet Cafe and seeing Fifth Brother, Lin Jia broke into a foolish, nonstop grin. Fifth Brother had an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips, glaring sideways at Lin Jia with a stiff face as he scolded, "You little punk! The moment we meet, you take down your Fifth Brother right off the bat? And to top it off, you had to drop a verse? How did it go again? 'Originally there were no roads in the world, but with many people walking, it became a road; and this brother, what you are blocking... is the road?' That actually rhymed pretty well, huh? As expected of someone who went to school! So cultured, reciting prose on the spot!"

Nearby, Black Bear cautiously inched closer to the fuming Fifth Brother and muttered, "Fifth Brother... um... Crazy didn't recite a poem..."

"Plop!"

The cigarette dropped from Fifth Brother's mouth. Black Bear stared blankly at Fifth Brother, whose face was turning dark and whose lips were twitching uncontrollably, and asked with concern, "Fifth Brother! Why is your face turning black?"

"It's sweat from the heat!"

"Huh? Why is it turning white again?"

"......" Everyone else in the room quickly lowered their heads, pretending they saw nothing.

Fifth Brother suddenly leaped up, kicked Black Bear flat onto the floor, and launched into a savage beating with his slipper-clad foot, sending one of his slippers flying off. While kicking, he cursed, "Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Calling yourself an intellectual! Pretending to be cultured! My ass! You're just like me! A guy who didn't even know he needed to bring a schoolbag when going to school, and yet you dare lecture me? I'll teach you to have a running mouth! I'll teach you to run your mouth!" Driven slightly mad by Black Bear's provocation, Fifth Brother stomped on Black Bear's sturdy frame until he rolled around the floor in agony, wailing, "Ah, ah~~ Boss! Ah, ah~~ I was wrong! Ah, ah~~~ Boss! Ah, ah~~ Stop kicking! Ah, ah~~~"

"Damn it! You're still mocking me? Even your screams rhyme?" Infuriated, Fifth Brother knocked Black Bear over, straddled his back, grabbed his remaining slipper, and began relentlessly whacking Black Bear's rear end. Black Bear squealed like a stuck pig, too afraid to put up much of a struggle.

After delivering over a dozen slaps with the slipper, Fifth Brother angrily ordered one of his lacklings nearby, "Go to the kitchen and get a large cucumber! Two of you, strip this dead fat bear's pants off! Deflower this dead fatty's chrysanthemum with that big cucumber! Make sure you pick one with prickles!" Maple and Moon, the cross-dressing Taoist whom Lin Jia had met before, immediately let out an "Oh!" and scurried toward the entertainment center's kitchen.

Black Bear had been docilely sprawled on the floor, but upon hearing this, he shrieked like a wild boar, scrambled forward on all fours behind the sofa with Fifth Brother still riding on his back. Fifth Brother scrambled to steady himself while shouting, "Damn it! Damn it!" much like a knight riding a wild boar, violently jolted left and right until he was finally bucked off onto the floor by Black Bear, setting off a wave of howling laughter from Fourth Brother and Lin Jia.

After the commotion subsided, Fifth Brother sat back down on the sofa, wiped the sweat from his face, and chuckled, "Damn it! Hanging out with you young punks for so long really brings out my inner child! Damn it!" With that, he took out his pack of Little Panda cigarettes and handed one to each of them. Truthfully, while Fifth Brother usually put on the grandiose, aging-before-his-time airs of a triad boss, he was still only twenty-five or twenty-six years old. When alone with his newly recruited underlings and his sworn brothers without outsiders present, he thoroughly enjoyed letting loose and horsing around.

Lighting a cigarette and taking a deep drag, Fifth Brother twirled his gold-plated lighter and said to Lin Jia, "Crazy! The matter from last time has been settled! Those two unlucky kids at the hospital are fine, they won't die! At most, they'll be laid up at home for half a month. Monkey took the rap for you guys and went into the slammer for a three-month detention, so you don't need to worry about it anymore!"

"Brother~~ thanks a lot!" Lin Jia said.

"Get lost! If you consider me a brother, don't you dare talk such nonsense to me! It makes my hair stand on end!!" Fifth Brother glared at Lin Jia, who could only offer a dry laugh.

Fourth Brother said solemnly, "Fifth Brother! We grew up together since we were kids, and it's always been you and the older brothers taking the heat for me. I won't say any useless words. Though Crazy and I can't help you out with your business, if there's anything else you need done, just say the word. As for the tens of thousands you spent this time, I won't talk about paying it back either, since neither Crazy nor I can afford it right now. We'll treat you to a meal whenever one of us hits the lottery!"

Fifth Brother laughed heartily and replied, "Alright!! Alright!! That's more like it! What's with all the courtesy between our own brothers? Crazy, you little punk, you've been leeching off us brothers since you were knee-high. Every bit of cash you managed to hustle was tricked away by you to play arcade games. How did you turn into such a sissy now that you're grown up!? You've always had a quick brain and a head full of crooked ideas! I originally planned to rope you into our waters to act as an advisor for us brothers, but in the end, I just couldn't bring myself to drag my own brother into this. Did you figure that out, you little punk? Haha?" Lin Jia chuckled foolishly and didn't answer.

"Anyway, if you won't help me with business, you at least have to help me out in the game! Damn it! I've only been playing for a few days, and I've been hacked to death by people dozens of times. The people in this game are even more arrogant than I am! There's some guild in there with tons of members, and damn it, they hack me the moment they see me! It's gotten to the point where I don't even dare go outside! Which organization do those bastards belong to? How can there be so many of them?! There must be a few thousand people! I've already told my men to log into the game. I refuse to believe we can't beat them! Sure, we might have fewer people, but our hearts are united! We're all brothers! If worst comes to worst, I'll drag Third Brother, Fourth Brother, Old Sixth, and all the other Crown Prince gang members into this. No matter what, we'll have over a thousand men! If I ever find out which internet cafe they're hanging out at, I'll definitely take my guys over and hack them to death!"

Lin Jia and the others broke out in a cold sweat. Fifth Brother probably assumed the guilds in the game were just like his real-world street gangs, and perhaps he genuinely thought *Legend* was only being played by people right here in their small town.

"Um... Fifth Brother! If you've all gone into the game, what about your business?" Fourth Brother asked cautiously.

"What business is there to run lately? That floating corpse case from last time—who knows which idiot did it, but they left a mess! It almost alarmed the Party Central Committee! (Trouble: 'Alarming the Party Central Committee' here is slang, roughly equivalent to 'so handsome it alarms the Party Central Committee,' and has nothing to do with the actual Party Central Committee!) Right now, the whole province is cracking down hard. If you make a move, you end up in the slammer. Doing time inside is doing time, and doing time outside is just as good, so I might as well keep a low profile for a few months, take a break, and play some games. At least it gives those good-for-nothing delinquents of mine something to do, so they don't go out and cause trouble that forces me to spend money cleaning up after them!" Fifth Brother took a furious, depressed puff of his cigarette.

Lin Jia and the others were dumbfounded. Who would have thought *Legend* actually possessed the miraculous secondary effect of guiding stray youths back toward righteousness?!